Loving people when it hurts
Sometimes loving people is hard. Sometimes it hurts. A lot. And sometimes you have to love people in a way that looks different from how you love others because it hurts too much.
Note to self: I am allowed to set boundaries and shouldn’t feel bad for making and enforcing them.
Setting boundaries in a relationship (any type: sibling, friend, lover, coworker, etc.) is hard. But it’s necessary for you and for them. A lot of the time, boundaries are unspoken and easily followed by both parties, but there are still some instances where you have to be vocal about what your boundaries are. Sometimes people try to take advantage of you. Sometimes they don’t even realize they’re doing it.
If you’ve never had to set boundaries before, you may find that you’ve gotten to the point where you are too upset to do so kindly. I’ve found myself there before. I understand. But it’s important that if you’re setting boundaries to maintain the relationship that you are kind about it. Otherwise, you trying to set boundaries will come off as rude and mean and may fracture what you have with that person.
Here are some things you can do to make loving hurt a little less.
Reflect
Think long and hard about what’s wrong in this relationship and what you can do to fix it. This means being honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle from someone. If you can’t handle seeing someone every day, then make a boundary that that person can’t try to hang out every day.
Talk
You can’t set boundaries and then not tell the other person. That isn’t fair to them at all. You should be up front and honest about what you’ve set up and why. That way, they’ll at least have a chance to respect those boundaries.
Enforce
Once you’ve set boundaries, you have to enforce them. It’s hard to break out of habits in a relationship, but if you want things to change, you’ll stick to what you’ve set out to do.
I hope these steps can help you set some maintainable boundaries that can salvage some relationships for you. And I pray that that loving hurts less for you in the future.
