On Prayer: How to Pray

This talk was given at CSF on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021. 

When I was dating my ex-boyfriend, a long time ago, we would talk every day. Makes sense, right? But I mean, we would talk over text every single moment of every day. You know, the usual good morning texts, the check-ins throughout the day, saying good night, regular talking. But if we didn’t have anything to say, we would just send emojis back and forth. And not like the funny ones, just one of the smiley faces. And this was before emojis were even a super widespread thing, so we had to type it out, you know, like ^_^. Just, all day. Back and forth. Turns out, you don’t have to talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend every second of the day. We were, like, 14/15, so we didn’t know any better. 

So now that you know that super embarrassing story about me, I’m going to pray for us. 

Dear Lord Jesus, I adore you. Please come and settle your Holy Spirit over this place and these people as you speak through me tonight. Calm my nerves and give me your overwhelming peace. Let what I say be only from you, Lord, and may whatever is not from you fall on deaf ears. Let everything that happens here tonight be for your glory and no one else’s. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. 

So far this semester, we’ve been talking about being with Jesus. Alli talked about being with Jesus in community and then about being with Jesus alone, or taking a Sabbath. Jordan talked about drinking from the well of living water instead of wells of sin and then about cultivating a life with Jesus. Last week, Steve talked about reading the Word and obeying it’s commands. There’s one major thing that we haven’t touched on that is imperative to being with Jesus. And that’s prayer. 

Matthew 6:6-8 “When you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep babbling on like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” 

There’s a lot in these three verses that I could go into and I encourage you to study these verses on your own and dig deeper into them, but I want to focus on two specific aspects. First, Jesus said “when.” When you pray, not if. Jesus assumes here that you know that you should pray to him. Here he is explaining logistics—how you should pray. In secret. Sincerely. I don’t think he means that you can’t pray for a long time when he says not to babble on—he’s emphasizing that God hears you no matter the word count of your prayer. He follows this up with the Lord’s Prayer, giving an example of how you should pray. But like I said, this is when you pray, not if. 

Second, Jesus says that the Father knows what we need before we ask. But wait. If God already knows, why do we need to pray? I struggled with this for a while, but I found a quote by John Calvin that I think explains it well. 

“Believers do not pray with the view of informing God about things unknown to Him, or of exciting Him to do His duty, or of urging Him as though He were reluctant. On the contrary, they pray in order that they may arouse themselves to seek Him, that they may exercise their faith in meditating on His promises, that they may relieve themselves from their anxieties by pouring them into His bosom; in a word, that they may declare that from Him alone they hope and expect, both for themselves and for others, all good things.” -J. Calvin. 

So what is prayer? Prayer is talking to God. Prayer is how we communicate with God. It’s how we practice our faith in God. We praise him, we thank him, we make requests, we seek guidance. We apologize. We tell him how much we love him. God LOVES listening to us, talking to us. But prayer is for us as much as it’s for God. Prayer helps us rely on him, in good times and in bad times. 

I wanted to give you some examples of prayers from the Bible and from my own prayer life to show you what this means, what it means to pray. 

When I Googled “First prayer in the Bible,” the answer was in Genesis when Abraham pleaded with God not to destroy the people of Sodom. That prayer is a dialogue between Abraham and God, and I encourage you to look into it in Genesis 18. But I want to argue that the first prayer recorded in the Bible was when, in answer to God’s question “Where are you?,” Adam said, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Notice the topic of the first prayer in Genesis 3. Adam was hiding from God. “I heard you in the garden so I hid.” Adam and Eve had just committed the first sin; they were ashamed. But they had spent their whole lives up to this point in constant communion with God. They heard God walking in the garden; surely this wasn’t unusual. And if God walked in the garden, where Adam and Eve lived, don’t you think they would have run into each other at least a few times? So they were with God in the garden regularly. They shared in the goodness and perfection that was God’s original design with the God who created it and them. So even though they hid for a moment, the second that God called out to them, Adam spoke up. 

Sometimes it’s a little harder for us to come to God in different seasons or moments in our lives. Some people find it easier to come to God when things are going wrong and they want to ask God to help them, but when things are going well, they forget to praise him. Others, like me, find it easier to praise God when things are good, but tend to hide and avoid talking with him when things are bad or when we’ve sinned. 

The Bible calls us to pray, to commune with God, no matter the circumstance. 1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Okay, sure. We’re supposed to pray all the time, in good times and in bad. But how? 

King David, the man after God’s own heart—he prayed when things were going well all throughout the Psalms. In Psalm 18:1-2, he says, “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” 

For me, praying is easiest during good times. It’s easier to thank God for all the good you see in the world when your own life is going well. When I don’t feel like I’m struggling with any big sin or when I’m having really great quiet times or something amazing just happened or when the sun shines after a week of rain—That’s when it’s really easy for me to pray. Here’s an example. This isn’t exactly a prayer I’ve prayed before, because I put private things between just me and God or I pray for specific things for other people that I’m sure they wouldn’t want me to share with all y’all, but these are some words I’ve written in prayer to God on a good day. 

“Lord, I’m having a great weekend. Ha, I just realized it’s Tuesday. Well, I had a great weekend and a great day and a half since. God, you have blessed me greatly. Saturday, my friend and I spent the day together. It was uplifting to talk with her about serious things and non-serious things alike. Sunday, I had a church visit for fundraising, and that was so encouraging. I walked away with some cash and the promise of more. God, you did that. You laid on their hearts to give to me. You answered my prayers with their generosity. Then, Lord, you sent Autumn to sign for the house and Olivia to tour tomorrow, and I am so happy. Everything is going well, and I trust that you will provide. God, I pray that you will be with the staff and students today and tonight at worship. Touch hearts through the worship team and the speaker. I love you, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” 

However, as I’m sure you know, prayer isn’t always about good things. David had some hard times, and his prayers through them are also in the Psalms. You might know the story of David and Bathsheba. One day, David was walking on the roof of his palace and saw a woman bathing. He proceeded to send someone to go find her, he slept with her, got her pregnant, tried to cover it up by bringing her husband home to sleep with her, and then, when that didn’t work, purposefully got him killed in battle. That’s pretty messed up. I bet he felt pretty terrible about it, especially after his friend Nathan called him out. But David still prayed. [SLIDE] In Psalm 51 (1a, 4a), he says, “Have mercy on me, o God. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”

I’m not very good at turning to God when I’ve messed up. About a year and a half into me and my ex’s relationship, we were fighting and I was crying and I prayed to God, “Lord, if he’s the one, please let me keep him. But if he’s not, take him away now.” There are a lot of things wrong with the thought process behind this prayer, but I was sixteen so just bear with me. That’s what I prayed. If he’s not for me, take him away now. Well, we were together for another year. A year is a long time. Definitely exceeds the “now” timeframe. I was…so angry at God. How dare he allow this boy to hurt me this way? Why would he do that? 

I didn’t talk to God for a long time after that. I didn’t trust him with my big feelings. I was angry and hurt and ashamed and all sorts of other things that I kept bottled up within me. I fell out of practice with talking to God. Suddenly, I couldn’t pray at all, even for the good things, even for the small things. When I got to college and came to CSF, I never prayed and I was acting like that was okay. I knew a lot about God, so I knew that I should pray, but I just couldn’t. 

I’ve been practicing though. I pray a little easier now, and then when I mess up or when I’m confused or have doubts, I know what to do. I pray. I’m going to share another prayer from my prayer journal, but this one will be a little spliced and confusing because it’s private, just for me, the Lord, and my accountability groups. 

“God, I don’t know what to say. I let myself forget you. I didn’t intentionally put you first and now suddenly it’s been five days since I’ve prayed or read your Word. When I don’t put you first, how am I supposed to overcome? I let myself be tempted. I gave into that temptation. I know it’s not good for me, but I can’t stop on my own. Help me, Lord. I’m ashamed. I don’t know what to tell my accountability groups. How do I bring up something like this? I’m embarrassed. I feel unworthy of my leadership role as a staff member and as a community group leader. How can I want to speak or teach when I can’t even practice what I preach? I know we all fall short but for some reason it feels different for me. Why is my sin so shameful to me when all sin separates us from you just the same? Why do I feel like you could never forgive me for this even though I know you already have? Why is it so hard? I even feel like I can’t pray to you about anything else. How can you stand to hear me even now, let alone having the audacity to ask for your favor in anything else? But God, I know who you are. I know you have patience beyond my understanding. I know you have new mercies every morning. I know you will forgive me; you already have. Lord, I’m sorry. I failed you big time as I have before and as I surely will again. I believe in who you are and I will run to you again every time. I fall into your grace. Help me overcome.” 

No one ever told me what praying looked like. I thought I had to say all these fancy things or even make complete sentences, but the Holy Spirit will intercede for us when we don’t know what to say. Tell him the good things. Tell him the seemingly unimportant things. Tell him the bad stuff, too. He already knows anyway, so you have nothing to hide. Prayer isn’t about telling the God of the universe anything that he doesn’t already know. It’s about inviting him into your life, sharing with him all that you are, and allowing Him to change you to be more like Him. 

Be real with God. He is literally the God of the Universe. Do you know what that means? He is everywhere, he knows everything, he can do anything. Do you really think he can’t take it when you’re mad at him? When you’ve hurt him by sinning? When you feel so overwhelmed or ashamed or sad that you can’t stop crying? God is big. Bigger than anything you could face or feel. Bigger than any obstacle or doubt or temptation that comes before you. God can handle your big feelings. 

Sometimes you believe lies. Sometimes you know they’re lies, but you can’t help but feel them. Sometimes you feel unworthy or ashamed or unlovable. You know it isn’t true, but you can’t help it. Tell him. You don’t have to hide your feelings or doubts or insecurities because you know they’re not true or not right. Tell him that you know the truth. 

I don’t want you to misunderstand me. As God, He deserves our utmost respect. It’s prideful to think that we know better than He does. News flash, even when we think we do, we don’t. If you’re feeling angry, I’m not saying it’s okay to tell God He’s wrong. I’m going to bet that He isn’t. I’m telling you to tell Him that you’re angry, but that you know that He’s good, no matter what you think about it. I’m telling you to be transparent, not prideful. Communicate. Tell him what you’re thinking and feeling and let Him tell you the truth. He speaks through His Word, like Steve talked about last week. Repeat back to God what you know from His Word, like what I did at the end of my prayer—when I feel unlovable, I pray about how much God loves me. When I feel unforgivable, I pray about what He did for me, how He promised that He has already covered my sin. I’m not saying I pray perfectly—far from it. That’s not why I read my prayers to you. I’m showing how I’m real with God. How I communicate with Him. To show you that you can be real with Him, too. 

The best way to be with Jesus is to be in constant communication with him, even when it’s hard. Think about this: how often do you talk to your friends? Your family? Your boyfriend or girlfriend? You should be talking to God more than that. How much? The biblical answer is to pray without ceasing. That’s a lot. But I promise you won’t have to resort to sending emojis back and forth with him. He longs for you to commune with him. 

I said a lot of things, so let me sum it up for you. Prayer is just talking to God. To be with Jesus, you have to talk to him. It’s hard sometimes. It takes practice. But God wants to hear from you. He wants to delight in you. He wants you to tell him all the good and the bad and the ugly. He wants your anger, your sadness, your fear, your hurt, your joy, your shame. You don’t have to be eloquent or knowledgeable or have it all together. He just wants you. He loves you so much that, even though He knew you would mess up and run away from Him and break His heart, he sent his only Son to die in your place just so you could be with Him. He just wants you, as you are. He can handle anything you give to him. 

If you haven’t prayed to Him recently or ever, I want to challenge you to do that. I’m going to give you some space right now; the worship team is going to come up and play for a few minutes and I want you to just sit in your seat or stand or whatever you want and just talk to him. If you want to pray with a staff member, any of us would love to pray with you. If you’re more comfortable with your community group leader and you see them around, feel free to ask them. I’m sure they would love to also. No matter what you decide, I know God is anxiously waiting to hear from you—to comfort you and sit with you. Just be with him for a little while tonight. Tell him whatever’s on your heart.